To Kill A Monster
by Ceu Praca
Summary: Link's POV during the boss battles in Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, and Twilight Princess. This is done in a series of arcs, starting with OoC. Read and review! Rated T for humorous violence.
1. Queen Gohma

Link , Navi, Tatl, Midna, and all of the bosses and mini-bosses are NOT mine! They belong to Nintendo!

Disclaimer aside, this story is going to be done in a series of arcs:

_Ocarina of Time Arc_

_Majora's Mask Arc_

_Wind Waker Arc_

_Twilight Princess Arc_

_Twilight Mini-Bosses Arc_

Now, as to why I'm only doing mini-bosses from Twilight Princess...the ones from all of the other games aren't worth mentioning. Aside from Dead Hand and a few others. I may include some minor enemies, just to see Link's reaction to them. And I'm only doing the bosses from four of the games because those are the only four games I've played. The whole point if this is to let you know what I think was going through Link's head as he fought the bosses. And keep in mind that, when he fought Gohma, the King Dodongo, and Barinade, he was a little, inexperianced kid. After those three, everything gets much more interesting.

**Queen Gohma**

I jumped when the door came down with a thud, trapping me in the dark room, then the hair on the back of my neck prickled as I got the sense that I was being watched. _Shh-shh shh-shh_. I froze, drawing my sword instinctively as I heard the eerie noise, then I saw something glowing on the ceiling. I looked straight at it.

"S-s-s-how y-y-yours-s-self!" I shouted, my voice quavering with fear. The glowing, yellow orb stared down at me, and I realized that it was an eye. A monstrous, disgusting eye with a division symbol for a pupil. I hated math. The noise increased. _Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh-shh_.

_Thud!_ I felt the ground shake as it dropped from the ceiling and landed in front of me, and my breath caught in my throat. It was a spider. A gigantic, terrifying spider. It balanced on it's birthing tube and reared up, hissing, then dropped back down and charged at me.

I backflipped to avoid it's claws at the thing smashed it's feet down into the ground, getting itself stuck. "Link, use your slingshot! Hit it's eye! That's it's weak spot!" Navi screamed at me.

"How do you know?"

"Because it's _always_ the eye, idiot! Shoot it _now_!"

I obeyed instantly, taking out my slingshot and pegging it in the eye with a deku seed. Sure enough, Gohma squealed and withdrew, climbing up the walls. _Shh-shh shh-shh_. It stopped in the middle of the ceiling, and I tilted my head back, staring up at it. "What's it doing, Navi?"

"Giving birth!"

My jaw dropped. "I'm trying to kill it, and it decides to stop to give birth?! What the heck kind of monster is it?!" I flung another deku seed into it's eye again before it could start dropping babies, and it shrieked, falling heavily, stunned. I shot it again, then began slicing into it with my sword, finally feeling brave enough to get close.

Eventually, with a last squeal of pain, it died, and I hurried to get out of the Deku Tree, feeling jittery from being around so many bugs.


	2. King Dodongo

**King Dodongo**

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._ The ground shook with each drum of the heavy footsteps, and I felt a strange sense of déjà vu as I turned around to behold a gigantic dodongo standing there. It opened it's jaws and roared, and I yelped. "Navi! I dreamed about this thing!"

The fairy gave me a look of disbelief. "What?!"

"Didn't you see, I dreamed about fighting this thing, and then I carved a picture into my house so that I wouldn't forget! I need to throw a bomb into it's mouth!"

"Well, good for you. Guess I'm not needed then," the fairy grumped.

I pulled out a bomb and tossed it into the dodongo's mouth as it attempted to breath fire at me, and it collapsed, unconscious. I started hacking blindly at it with my sword. _Darunia had better give me the Goron's Ruby after all I've done for him and his stupid tribe._

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this fight was so short, but if you look on Link's tree house in OoC, you can see a rough sketch of Link's battle with the King Dodongo. I always thought it was interesting, as though he'd had a prophecying dream, or something. Fighting the King Dodongo is pathetically easy and boring, so I decided to convey that through this chapter. And Navi never offers any good advice. Proven fact.


	3. Barinade

**Barinade**

I squished my way across the tunnel, totally grossed out. _What part of him am I in now? His intestines? Please tell me I'm not in his bowels._ I went through yet another gross opening that made a sickening noise, then froze. "Navi, that is the most revolting thing I have ever seen." I assumed that I was in his stomach or heart, one of the two, and I didn't like what I was seeing. A huge, squishy, spiky thing was planted in the middle of the 'room,' ugly, rippling tentacles attached to the 'ceiling,' and the whole thing was pulsing and oozing as it seemed to be siphoning something from the 'ceiling.' I gave Navi a disgusted look. "Any tips?"

"Many parasitic jellyfish swarm around this monster. Aim for it's body, which is protected by the jellyfish!"

"Hit it with _what?_" I yelped when the thing suddenly shot a huge bolt of electricity at me, and I dove to one side. "How is that thing electrical?!"

"Use the boomerang you found!"

"Oh, right. Brilliant, Navi. How did a whale end up with a boomerang, a Zora Princess, _and_ a Spiritual Stone inside of it? Stupid thing. Don't you know that eating rocks and Zoras is bad for you?!" I shouted the last part upwards, intending it for Jabu-Jabu to hear. I pulled out the boomerang, then threw it, slicing through the thing's tentacles. It dropped heavily, then the jellyfish detached themselves and swarmed towards me. "Uh…Navi? Help?"

* * *

**A/N:** I understand how Ruto ended up inside the whale; she went after her Spiritual Stone/Engagement Ring. However, why did Jabu-Jabu swallow a rock in the first place? Secondly, how the heck did a boomerang end up inside the belly of a whale? And thirdly, how is a pulsing parasite electrical? Jabu-Jabu never made much sense to me. And Navi is so helpful, isn't she? *rolleyes* By the way, the stupid whale is the one temple that I absolutely _hate_. He's so stinking gross! Like Link, I seriously hope that I'm not walking through his stomach or bowels. *gag* Hey, has anyone ever noticed that Jabu-Jabu is a teeny-tiny whale, and yet his insides are huge?


	4. Phantom Ganon

**Phantom Ganon**

I stared at the black figure that sat upon the floating horse. To be honest, it's skeletal head reminded me of a rabbit. I couldn't hold back a grin at the thought. _Phantom Ganon the Rabbit Man._ The phantom seemed perplexed as it's horse whinnied and snorted. "What do you find so funny, you little grasshopper?"

I chuckled, ignoring Navi, who was screaming at me about something. "This whole thing is rather ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, your horse is floating through the air. Horses ain't supposed to do that. Secondly, why do you have a bunny-shaped skeleton for a head?"

"My head is not shaped like a bunny!" the phantom screeched, then it's horse whirled about and vanished into a painting.

"Seriously? Hiding in the identical paintings, wow…you're really inventive. How did you ever pass the Scary Monsters Test?"

I calmly shot the floating horse as it emerged from the painting, and Phantom Ganon yelled, his horse disappearing in a cloud of purple glitter. He then began floating as well. "You killed my horse!"

"Why did it explode into a cloud of purple glitter?" I asked curiously, putting away my bow.

"It wasn't glitter, it was all-evil dark magic from the Master Ganondorf Himself…you will pay for that!"

He summoned a huge ball of white electricity onto the tip of his sword, and then flung it at me. "Really? Ping-pong?" I drew my sword, bored half-to-death, and my amusement over this thing was quickly wearing off as I slashed at the electricity, sending it flying back into Gantom Phanon. He screamed, crashing to the ground, and I went up to him and dealt the death blow with the Master Sword.

And then, although I had expected the thing to just explode into purple glitter like it's horse had, some kind of creepy portal appeared in the ground and the phantom's corpse began hovering over to it, sinking slowly. I studiously avoided the portal, watching curiously, then, eerily, I heard Ganondorf's voice from nowhere.

"Looks like you have gained some slight skill, but you only fought a copy of me. When you fight the real me, it won't be so easy!"

I scoffed. "Yeah, just watch, you're gonna be so uninventive that you'll decide to play ping-pong with me again."

"What a worthless creation that phantom was!"

I raised one eyebrow, watching as the screaming phantom corpse burned in a cloud of purple glitter. "Well, I coulda told you _that_. Idiot. Go play piano."

* * *

I don't know why, but Phantom Ganon's head always reminded me of a rabbit. And the whole 'Gantom Phanon' thing...well, one day I was talking to my sister about how laughable this boss was, and I accidentally got my mords wixed. Er, I mean words mixed. Anyway, about the purple glitter...Ganon's dark magic is always purple in the game, and one day I thought it'd be even cooler magic if it was sparkly. And the whole painting thing was stupid. And yes, I mock Ganon's fetish for playing the piano. XD As you may have noticed, I really hate Phantom Ganon. The whole boss is a joke, really.


	5. Volvagia

**Volvagia**

I grinned, hefting the megaton hammer into a striking position. _This is gonna be fun. _Well, it would be…once the monster I was supposed to fight revealed itself. So far, all I saw was a bunch of potholes filled with lava. "Hello? Volvagia? You home?" I was getting frustrated now. "Show yourself!" I demanded. Silence. "Please come out! I really want to kill you!" I pleaded.

"VERY WELL THEN!" A huge, snakelike dragon burst up from one of the potholes, flying around through the air for a moment. "I SHALL ENJOY EATING YOU!"

I stared. "Dude, can't you talk without shouting? You're giving me a headache. Nice hair, by the way."

Volvagia dove into one of the potholes and came up again, leaning on one arm and staring at me. "YOU REALLY THINK SO?"

I shrugged, lowering my hammer somewhat. "Well, yeah, I mean, it's all glowing…and bright…and silky-looking."

The dragon made a weird crooning sound, running it's free hand though it's hair. "WHY, THANK YOU! I SPENT A LOT OF WORK ON IT. DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE COMPLIMENTS FOR ME?"

"Aside from the fact that I think it's seriously cool that you can breathe fire and fly, not really. Hey, why do you eat Gorons anyway?"

"BECAUSE THEY TASTE NICE!"

"Is it possible for you to eat anything else?"

"NO."

"Darn. Well, then, I'm gonna have to kill you. Sorry, Volvagia. I really do like your hair, though."

The dragon preened itself one more time. "I WILL BE SORRY TO EAT SUCH A NICE, WELL-MANNERED YOUNG MAN, BUT IT MUST BE DONE. GOODBYE."

"I'll make it quick, I promise." I lunged, striking with the megaton hammer and crushing Volvagia's skull instantly. I stared down at the dead dragon. "I really did like that hair," I mumbled.

* * *

The potholes thing was just a joke. I always thought that the stage you fight Volvagia on was really stupid-looking, and, like Phantom Ganon, the dragon has no really technique. However, for some reason, I always liked Volvagia's hair. It's true, it's bright, and glowing. And as for why it can't speak without shouting...I have no idea. XD


	6. Morpha

I crept cautiously through the door, jumping when it slammed shut behind me, and I stared; up ahead was a pool of dark blue water with four pillars sticking up out of it. "Link, watch out, that's no normal water!" Navi shrieked.

"Duh. Since when is water a dark sapphire blue color?" I boldly leapt to one of the pillars, then froze when I felt a rumble. The water was moving, but I couldn't see any monster. "Please tell me this thing isn't invisible," I begged.

"I don't know what it is yet, how can I tell you that?"

"Duck lower! You're gonna give away our position!" Too late. A thick, rubbery-looking strand of blue 'water' rose up, with a reddish ball of something in the center. "I'll guess that's it's weak point." I aimed my hookshot, then the rubbery strand lashed forward and coiled around me. "Navi!" I gasped. "Help!"

I felt nauseous as it began swinging me around the room like a rag doll, squeezing precious air from my lungs, then it threw me against one wall. I yelped when I cut my arm on the spikes. "Link!"

I weakly aimed my hookshot again, yanking the reddish thingy from the tendril, and it make a weird noise. I quickly pulled out my sword and sliced it to pieces before it could recover, and it exploded, drenching me in the blue rubbery stuff. "Ugh! Gross!"

* * *

I always thought that the blue water stuff wasn't like normal water, otherwise, how could it have any substance? It didn't move like water, it didn't look like water, and quite frankly, it reminded me of rubber. And what kind of idiot decided to put spikes on the walls? And Navi...wow, I always thought it hilarious how, at that point when it shows the room from Morpha's POV, Navi is the only thing the monster can see. Navi gave away their position! Bad fairy!

To my shame, I tend to get deliberately close to Morpha so that it'll grab Link. I always laugh because he's hurled all over the place. Sick and twisted, I know, but it always struck me as funny.


	7. Bongo Bongo

**Bongo Bongo**

I stared down into the dark hole in the floor. "I have to go down there?" I asked Navi, just to make sure.

"Yes."

"It's gonna be a snake-infested pit of acid with a fire-breathing skeleton, isn't it?"

"Highly possible."

"With thousands of tiny skeletons backing it up?"

"Probably."

"And sand whirling about to blind me and some yahoo trying to freeze me into an ice cube?"

"Why would a fire-breathing skeleton try to freeze you? Wouldn't burning make more sense?" Navi said irately. "Just jump!"

"Okay, okay, geez, relax." I jumped, yelling at the top of my lungs just because I liked the echo it made. I landed…on a relatively soft, taut surface that sounded hollow. "Where's the monster?" Then I noticed a large hand descending. And another hand. "Really? A giant? Cool!" I stared, because the rest of it looked like a vegetable with a glowing, red eye. It slowly raised one hand…

I prepared myself to dodge, but all it did was slam it's hand down heavily onto the surface. It's other hand did the same, a little gentler, three times. _Bong boom boom boom bong boom boom boom._

"You've gotta be kidding me. I'm fighting a musician."

The thing's main body suddenly turned invisible, with only it's hands. The drumbeat sped up, and I grinned, shooting the thing's hands with my arrows before switching on the Lens of Truth to shoot it's eye. It exploded in a cloud of black glitter.

* * *

Again with the glitter! Although it actually did look kinda glittering in the game...anyway, I always thought it was amusing how the Bongo Bongo does nothing but play the drums and try to smush you.


	8. Twinrova

**Twinrova**

"How amusing!" Kotake cackled. "This child has come to sacrifice himself to the Great Ganondorf!"

I glared up at the witch. Her and her sister were flying in circles, and it was starting to make me dizzy. "Hey, can you guys stop circling? You're making me nauseous, and I can't kill you when I have vertigo."

In answer, Kotake and Koume sped up, and I spun with them, soon toppling over into a dizzy heap. "Hee hee hee! We got him now!" Koume shrieked, and they aimed their fire and ice brooms at me.

As _my_ answer, I unslung my shield and reflected their attack back at them. They screamed, and Kotake glared at me. "Okay, sister, enough games! We're gonna get serious now!"

They held hands, and I got to my feet, watching them curiously. "Aw, isn't that sweet? Such sisterly love."

"Shut up, you stupid kid!" There was suddenly a big flash of light, and I screamed. "Hah, we've scared him now!" Koume shouted.

I held my shield up, staring at them. "Ew, gross! You guys look like the Great Fairy's Ugly Stepsister!"

* * *

Yes, they look like the Great Fairy...only much uglier, if that's even possible.


	9. Ganondorf 1

I walked boldly into the room, seeing Princess Zelda held aloft in a pink crystal, Ganondorf sitting underneath her playing the piano. "I'm about to kill you, any you're playing music? The Bongo Bongo was your idea, wasn't it?" The man turned, and I grimaced. "Dude, the Princess in wearing a dress. Why are you standing underneath her?"

Ganondorf shrugged. "I don't care. It was a convenient spot to put her." He threw a ball of purple glitter at Navi, and she shrieked, being driven away from me.

I smiled. "Thanks, man, I've been trying to get her away from me for seven years. You've really done me a favor."

Ganondorf squinted at me. "You aren't intimidated by me? I could crush you easily!"

"Yeah, go right ahead and try."

"Very well then!" With a yell, the room was transformed into a battle ground, with a square section of the floor falling to form a platform in the center that he stood on. He lifted his hand and a ball of electricity crackled on it. I stared at him for a long time…then burst into laughter. "What do you find so funny?!"

"Didn't I predict this? We're playing ping-pong again!"

"How dare you?"

"Oh, I dare." He threw the ball of electricity at me, and I batted it back. It went this was for a while, before he finally got hit by his own magic. I shot him with a light arrow, then jumped over and stabbed him through the heart with the Master Sword. "In reality, you aren't really that much stronger than your phantom."

Then, of course, he had to make the castle fall down.

* * *

Seriously, he didn't get any new tactics. Sigh...ping-pong again. And purple glitter! And dude, it is seriously wrong how Zelda is wearing a dress...and Ganondorf is standing underneath her.


	10. Ganon

**Ganon**

I glared at the fairy. Of course she had to come back. "Why couldn't you have just gone off and died?"

"That's mean!"

"Stop arguing!" Zelda shouted. "That won't get us anywhere!"

I rolled my eyes, then yelped when a dark shadow sprang up from the rubble, knocking the Master Sword from my hand and it went and almost hit the Princess. The gigantic, boar-like creature glowered down at me, and I sighed. "You're still alive? And now you're a pig. The new look suits you."

I took out my biggoron sword, attacking viciously, and I slashed the thing's tail a few times, then it collapsed, the fire around the ring went out, and I ran and grabbed the Master Sword. Zelda suddenly shot a huge stream of light from herself, pinning it down, and I looked at her in annoyance, then plunged the sword into his forehead. Then, conveniently, the sages decided to seal Ganon into the darkest realm possible. Finally. Stupid, useless sages.

* * *

How come all the sages do in the game is seal away Ganon, and before that, all they did was make you a raindbow bridge to happyland? They're so stupid. I hate the fight with Ganon, though, which is why this one is so short and to the point with less wit. Guess what: IT IS THE END OF THE OCARINA OF TIME ARC! Sorry, that was overboard. Majora's Mask, coming soon to a computer near you.


	11. Oldolwa

The Majora's Mask Arc is here! :D

**Oldolwa**

I pulled the Deku mask off with some effort, then looked around the chamber. Nothing. Then I yelped when a huge, tall person fell from the ceiling, swinging a massive sword and chanting gibberish.

"Nice tattoos, but what's with the potbelly? Getting a little overweight there for a powerful warrior, aren't you?" Oldolwa shrieked, dancing back and forth in an odd hopskipping motion, chanting even louder. I frowned. "Can't you speak English?"

"_Aroowah doltagh eeshrew!_"

"Aroowah? Is that even a real word?"

"_See-yaiy haight!_" Oldolwa shrieked even louder, dancing himself into a frenzy, and, even though he was supposed to be a powerful demon, I couldn't help but laugh at his antics.

"You're crazy, dude."

Then the demon warrior danced even faster, jerking his upper half up and down like he was having a seizure. "_See-yaiy haight! See-yaiy haight!_" A swarm of insects and beetles came out of nowhere, coming towards me, and I quickly planted a bomb. They went towards the fuse instead of me, which gave me a chance to shoot an arrow into Oldolwa's eye. It killed him instantly, and I went over and retrieved his mask, still shaking quietly with laughter.

* * *

Have you ever noticed that? He's a powerful demon warrior...but he has a potbelly. And his dancing frenzies always amused me so much, as well as the random gibberish that he shouts.


	12. Goht

**Goht**

"How did that thing ever manage to kill Darmani?"

Tatl hovered just above my head, making an annoying ringing sound like a malfunctioning telephone. "I don't know. It looks like a giant goat with a man's face. Frozen solid in ice."

I shrugged, not really seeing how dangerous that thing could be, but I took out a fire arrow and shot the ice, melting the thing. However, I was unprepared for when it snorted, stamped its feet, then took off down the stone hall. I quickly put on my Goron mask, transforming, then curled and rolled after it, summoning my battle spikes as I overtook the goat and rammed into it's legs.

It fell, and I attacked it, slamming into its head with my fists, then it sprang up and resumed running, this time sparking and smoking. I barely had enough time to shield myself as a huge burst of electricity came at me, and thankfully, it didn't hurt me, then, when I resumed chasing it, it threw bombs and rocks at me. "You've gotta be kidding me! What's with this thing? Is it even intelligent?"

Almost as if in answer, the goat stopped, spun around, and began throwing electricity at me head-on, almost catching me. I yelped, dodging, then one of the balls of lightning hit me square in the chest. I groaned, shaking violently from the shock. "Tatl…I need a new job."

* * *

I always hated Goht. From the moment you unfreeze the guy, he's so frustrating, because it's almost impossible to catch up to him when he starts throwing bombs and rocks at you. I didn't stick as much humor into this one as usual, mainly because I hate Goht.


	13. Gyorg

**Gyorg**

I stared down into the dark hole for a little while, then grinned at Tatl. "How much you wanna bet that there's some kind of huge water dragon in an electrified tank with tons of jellyfish?"

The fairy just stared at me. "What? You are so weird."

I shook my head and sighed. "Never mind. Even though she was so much more annoying, you're nowhere near as fun as Navi."

"As who?"

I rolled my eyes, then jumped, letting out a yell just for the fun of it. I landed softly, seeing that I was on a platform surrounded by water. Of course. An electrified tank filled with jellyfish and a water dragon would have been so much more fun. However, a giant fish leapt up out of the water, hovered in the air for a moment, and splashed back down. I stared at it. "I have to fight a fish?"

I frowned, folding my arms across my chest, watching the thing as it swam in circles. "What are you doing?! There's no time to lose! Dive underwater and attack it! Hurry!"

I laughed. "Tatl, I'm the Hero of _Time_. I can take as bloody long as I want." I aimed an arrow and shot it, then transformed into a Zora and dove in, sending out the electrical shield to cause some serious damage to the thing. It made weird gurgling noises, then spat out a bunch of tiny fish at me, which I electrocuted along with the bigger fish. It made an odd shrieking sound, jumping out of the water and flopping about on the platform, shrinking steadily until it was a tiny trout. I transformed back, pulled myself onto dry land, then nudged it with the toe of my boot. "How do you feel about sushi for dinner?"

"Just kill it!" Obligingly, I skewered it with my sword. "Why I even put up with you, I'll never know…"

* * *

I thought it was funny how Link _always_ screams or yells whenever he jumps down a dark hole to the boss, even though he always lands softly. I, personally, believe he does it just because he likes the echo that the noise makes.


	14. Twinmold

**Twinmold**

I peered down at the hole, barely able to discern what looked like a field of tan. "Huh, maybe the boss is gonna be Captain Keeta's brother, or something like that." I jumped, yelling to hear the echo because I'm just that awesome, than landed softly on a rectangular rock in the center of an endless desert of sand. "Why is the battle ground _always_ a platform with something deadly surrounding it?" I complained to Tatl.

She rolled her eyes, bonking me on the head. "No, it's not! Oldolwa and Goht were not in battlefields like that!"

"Oh, shut up, Tinkerbell." I looked around curiously. "So, uh…where's the boss?" And that was when the ground began shaking. "Brilliant! Instead of fighting a vicious monster, I have to survive an earthquake!" I struggled to maintain my balance, then a gigantic worm of some sort popped up out of the sand and began flying around. "Seriously, how does a worm fly? It doesn't have wings, and it's certainly not a Metroid, so how is it doing that?"

"Oh, quit complaining," Tatl snapped. "You're the one who got into this hero business in the first place."

"I didn't become a hero intentionally!" I protested. "It's not my fault Zelda thought it would be a brilliant idea for me to open up the Sacred Realm!"

"What in the world are you yammering on about? Who's Zelda?"

I was about to stick her into a bottle, when a second worm came up and flew about next to the first one. "Oh, great," I muttered, putting on the Giant's Mask. Immediately, I felt myself grow bigger in a way so painful that I just _had_ to scream dramatically.

Well, it wasn't really painful at all, but I just did it to tick off Tatl, because I'm just that caring. Sure enough, she whacked me. "You're an idiot! A first-class moron! Go right ahead, attract attention to us! Don't expect me to help you when you get eaten!"

"Tatl, I was about to attack them anyway. They would have noticed me whether you like it or not."

"Definitely not," she retorted, hiding herself in my hat.

"Hey, the worms are much smaller now. Be grateful for that."

"Yes, but the mask also uses up your magic power. Aren't you the brilliant one."

"That's what swords are for." I drew my gilded sword and slashed one of the worms, causing it to groan loudly. Then I began shrinking, and my mask dropped onto the sand. "Outstanding." I quickly grabbed the mask, then tricked the one worm into destroying a pillar. Somehow, a magic bottle sprang forth, and I grabbed it quickly, drinking the potion within, then put my mask on again.

"You are really annoying. Out of every hero I could have partnered with, I had to end up with _you_!" the fairy spat venomously.

"Hey, you're the one who stole my ocarina and horse."

"No, _Skullkid_ stole your ocarina and precious horse!"

"But you helped him," I reminded her, slashing at the worms a few more times with my sword. I finally grew sick of it and set off two bombs that were somehow magically as big as me, throwing the explosives into their mouths, and it blew both worms into nothing. I grinned, taking off my mask and running to the central platform. "Now _that's_ a good way to kill a monster."

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, I just _had_ to stick the name of the series into one of the oneshots. :D A Tinkerbell reference, then fact that oh-so-many boss battlefields are just a platform surrounded with an element like water or sand, and an alternate way of defeating Twinmold. By the way, I highly doubt that you can throw bombs into the worms' mouths. I just did that because slashing the things with a sword wasn't funny enough. And Link and Tatl just can't help arguing all the time, can they? XD I always did wonder why Link enver threatened to stick her into a bottle. Yes, a Metroid reference. I do fanfiction in that fandom as well. :D How _do_ those worms fly?

The Majora's Mask Arc is almost over. I just need to write the three Majora battles.


	15. Majora's Mask

**Majora's Mask**

"Tatl…"

"What?"

"It's a _mask_!"

"Duh. What'd you think it was, a Goron?"

"Why am I fighting a _mask_?!"

"Because you are. Don't argue with me; you can talk it out with Nintendo about the final boss if you want."

I frowned at her. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Tatl made a weird ringing sound. "Um…nothing. Just kill it."

I stared at the heart-shaped mask, wondering how those yellow eyes were able to glow so eerily. "Okay, I will. Eh…just how does one go about killing a painted piece of wood that can fly?"

"Just hit it with your sword!"

* * *

**A/N: **I always thought that the fairies were in on the whole scheme, planning ways to make Link's life miserable right along with the gamemakers. XD It bugs me how all you have to do to kill Majora is whack him with your sword. I mean, seriously, couldn't the final boss of the game be a _little_ more challenging?


	16. Majora's Incarnation

**Majora's Incarnation**

I glared. The mask was somehow still alive, even after the thrashing I had given it. "Why can't you just lay down and die?"

"You can't kill me! I'm a flying piece of painted wood!"

"How can a mask talk, anyway?" I grumbled, watching as the mask began to somehow grow skinny, fragile arms and legs until it resembled a miniature mockery of the Four Giants. "You're really weird." I ran up to it and cut off all of it's limbs before it could begin doing anything. "If you're going to grow a body, then why not a big, buff, seriously muscular one?"

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry the Majora battles are so freaking short, but I never actually fought him; I'm just running off of Youtube right now. :P However, why the heck is the final boss of the game so stinking _easy_? You'd think he'd be a lot harder, but noooooo, he has to be weak and puny.


	17. Majora's Wrath

**Majora's Wrath**

I groaned, facepalming. "Evidently, he took my advice."

"_Never_ teach a bad guy new strategies!" Tatl reprimanded me.

Majora's Wrath stared down at me, laughing manically, then it lashed out at me with a whip. I deflected that easily with my shield, then ran up to it and began slashing with my sword. The thing screamed and danced back in forth in a manner that reminded me a lot of Oldolwa, and when I tried to hit it again, it became evasive and dodged. Then it grew tentacles and grabbed me. "Ahh!"

"You idiot!" Tatl scolded as I was thrown about the room.

When the tentacles finally let go of me, I staggered to my feet and glared at her. _I feel oddly reminded of Morpha right now._ "Gee, thanks for _not_ helping me."

"Why, you're welcome!"

"Sarcasm is lost on you, evidently."

* * *

**A/N:** For those of you who were wondering, I didn't write about Link using the Fierce Diety's Mask mainly because I view all usage of that mask as _cheating_. It's so much more fun to fight him without the mask. And yes, it seems like Majora _does_ learn from his mistakes. XD This is the end of the Majora's Mask Arc! Yippee!


	18. Gohma

The Wind Waker Arc is here! :D Sadly, poor little Link doesn't have an annoying fairy companion, so the WW Arc might be a lot less amusing. Sorry.

* * *

**Gohma**

_I wish someone was here with me,_ I thought as I crept forlornly through a door into a large room with a pool of lava at the center. _For some reason, I have a strange feeling that I should have a fairy. _I glanced up; far above, Valoo's tail dangled into the chamber. _Okay, so where is this 'horrible creature' that Medli told me about?_

"Um…hello? Anyone here?" Without warning, a gigantic, centipede-like creature burst up from the lava, staring at me with a huge, aqua eye as it waved about it's fiery claws. "Oh, great. Forgive me, sir, but I left my fireproof armor and ice sword back home." The creature snarled, then lunged, and I whipped my grappling hook at the closest thing there was: Valoo's tail. I heard the dragon scream and yell curses at me from somewhere above as I swung back and forth, then I let go. Without warning, the entire ceiling fell down onto the centipede, who in turn roared, it's armored shell cracking, then it collapsed, it's eye bugging out. I shrugged, then went up to it and began hacking at it's eye with my sword. "This whole scenario feels oddly familiar. Do you mind if I nickname you Gohma?"

* * *

**A/N: **Why does this thing have the same name as the spider from Ocarina of Time? Link is always so polite! ^_^


	19. Kalle Demos

**Kalle Demos**

I smiled; Makar was bouncing up and down eagerly, waiting for me to come get him. I took a step forward…then a flower came up and ate the Korok. I yelled in shock as the pretty flower became a huge bulbous thing that attached itself to the ceiling with a lot of tentacles. _Oh, great._

I pulled out my boomerang and sliced trough the tentacles, causing it to fall heavily, then I ran forward and sliced the thing's head off with my sword. Miraculously, Makar popped out whole and unharmed.

I glared at him. ""You need to be more careful."

* * *

I hate this boss. He's so freaking annoying, and repetitive, too. Pretty much just a déjà vu of Barinade, only not as disgusting and squishy. So, for that reason, I kept this chapter short. Sorry the Wind Waker Arc isn't that fun, but it's hard to write when Link has no one to talk to besides himself. A king-possessed boat doesn't count.


	20. Gohdan

**Gohdan**

"_You have done well to find your way to this place. Oh chosen one…accept this final challenge._"

I unsheathed my sword. "After all the hard work I went through to get here, you're gonna make me fight _another_ monster?!" A pair of eyeballs were lit up, and two, stone hands floated out into the center of the arena, followed closely by a giant, stone head with bright red eyes. "Oh, wonderful. How am I supposed to fight a rock?"

"_Use that which you found within this temple,_ the stone head informed me helpfully.

"Oh. Thanks." I took out my bow and quickly shot the eyes in the hands, then shot out one of the head's red eyes. Before I could get the other one, the head began spitting fireballs at me. "Hey! No fair!"

* * *

**A/N:** It _is_ unfair! How come that stupid stone head gets to have a fire-spitting machine gun?! I always thought this boss was reletively boring, though. Dunno why. *Shrug* The Wind Waker Arc is turning out to be pretty boring. I think I'll finish this arc as soon as possible so that I can move on to Twilight Princess. Hey, what the?! *Ceu Praca runs off as the Helmaroc King chases her*


	21. Helmaroc King

**Helmaroc King**

I glared at the bird. It was flying in a circle above me, screeching defiantly, and I was tempted to shoot it with an arrow, but I somehow knew that wouldn't work. "Come down and face me!"

It cackled, plummeting to land before me, it's beady, yellow eyes narrowed cunningly. I backflipped as it's beak came down, and, to my surprise, it got stuck in the ground. I grinned, smashing it's head with my ginormous hammer, and it's helmet cracked open, exposing a bright red face that resembled a cuccoo. I smashed it again, and it screeched, taking off into the air, where it exploded.

_That's weird. I didn't think birds were combustible._

* * *

**A/N:** Why do the bosses always explode? Sigh...one of the most boring baddies in the whole game.


	22. Jalhalla

**Jalhalla**

The ghost was disgustingly scary. Huge and fat, with tiny arms that flailed about, it was able to spew fire and noxious fumes at me with a vengeance. It seemed to take delight in slamming it's huge body down on top of me, giving me a headache and confusing me so that when I tried to use my shield, I ended up pulling out my arrows, and when I tried to use my sword, I accidentally set a bomb.

The thing laughed again, then I finally reached a beam and used my shield to reflect a patch of light onto the ghost. It screamed, and thousands of tiny poes exploded out of the clay helmet. I ran up and did a spin attack, taking out at least half of them, but the rest scrambled back to the safety of the helmet, transforming itself back into the fat, ugly bulk of Jalhalla.

"You guys just don't give up, do you?"

_Where's Medli when you need her?_ I dove towards another beam of light, then Jalhalla cackled, falling down onto me. I gasped, my scream muffled by the thing's huge mass, and the headache came back again. I groaned in despair. _He's going to take forever to kill._

* * *

**A/N:** I hate Jalhalla's jinx attack. It's almost impossible to dodge, and poor Link...and I think Medli could have done a lot to help fight this thing. I mean, she has a mirror, too. Why didn't she hit Jalhalla with light, thus allowing Link to kill it with greater ease? Cowardly bird.


	23. Molgera

**Molgera**

I knew I was in big trouble when I entered a huge room filled with sand. But I didn't realize just how _much_ trouble until the gigantic worm came out and began flying in circles, making a horrible noise as it did so. "Makar, stay back! I don't want you getting eaten again!"

"Okay, Link!" the Korok chirped, hopping up and down.

I pulled out my hookshot just in case, then dove to one side as the giant worm came down, burrowing into the sand. _This feels oddly familiar…like I've fought this thing before…_

I had no more time to think, because the worm's head came up from the sand, jaws opening and closing as it began sucking me towards it. I yelled, scrambling back, but the sand was shifting too fast, and I found myself inside the worm's mouth before I knew what had happened. I screamed, stabbing viciously with my sword, and I felt myself sprayed with blood as the thing began shrieking, thrashing all over the place before spitting me out.

I collapsed onto the sand, forcing myself to keep a steady stomach when I saw that I was covered in blood and saliva, then I noticed that the worm was no longer moving. It was dead, and Makar was jumping up and down eagerly, playing his little violin.

* * *

**A/N:** Has anyone ever noticed how this fight is annoyingly similar to the battle with Twinmold in OoT? Grr. I hate Molgera, mainly because of those little worms that it spits out at you. I didn't want to write about them, though, because otherwise I may have broken my computer. Two more battles before the Twilight Princess Arc! :D


	24. Puppet Ganon

**Puppet Ganon**

"Umm…you're not really that scary."

The gigantic, boar-faced puppet glared down at me, obviously insulted, but all it said was, "Snort."

"Oh, you're not Ganondorf! You are a Snort!" I threw down some All-Purpose Bait, and the puppet grunted, diving down to eat it. I quickly shot it's tail with a light arrow, laughing at how stupid the king of all darkness and evil was.

* * *

A/N1: Sorry this was so short, but Puppet Ganon is one of the easiest bosses. I think he's fun, but he's so easy that there's not really much I can write about him.

A/N2: An "Are You My Mother?" reference! Ah, good times; I love Dr. Seuss. :D I loved the part with the Snort in that book so much, I just had to stick it in here. XD

A/N3: Yes, if you throw down some All-Purpose Bait, Ganondorf will really stop to eat it, thus allowing you to shoot him with greater ease. XD


	25. Ganondorf 2

Okay, I know I haven't updated this in a while. That's because I've been busy with various other LoZ stories, namely, Dragon Sword and a 100-Themes challenge with Link and Tatl. However, I've finally destroyed that evil green monster called Procrastinator and written the final chapter in the Wind Waker Arc. XD

* * *

**Ganodorf #2**

"Why, exactly, does the ocean have to be flooding this chamber we're fighting in?" I asked Ganondorf as he advanced with his twin swords.

"Because it makes this battle more dramatic!"

"But…why's it got to be dramatic?"

"Because that's how the gamemakers wished it to be," he told me, looking exasperated. "Now come at me! I want to kill you!"

"Wait just a second! Can't you just surrender? I mean, we all know how this will go: Zelda is going to shoot you with a light arrow, and I'll stab you through the forehead, giving you brain damage and sealing you away into the darkest realm."

He looked confused. "That actually sounds kind of depressing. Maybe I _should_ just surrender…"

Before I could persuade him any further, a weird-looking Hylian with rounded ears and pieces of glass on his eyes popped out of nowhere, aiming a pencil and piece of paper at Ganondorf. "Oh, no you don't!" he squeaked. "You need to try to kill Link so that he can kill you! That's the way the script goes, and you have to follow it!"

Ganondorf frowned at him. "Uh…who are you?"

"I am the head gamemaker! You MUST try to kill Link so that he can kill you!"

"But…I don't want to die…I was already sealed into the darkest realm for a few thousand years…I don't want to go there again. It was scary! Bongo Bongo was there!"

"Death to the gamemaker!" I cried out, stabbing my sword into the air.

"_Yeah_!" Ganondorf cheered.

* * *

A/N1: A bit of cheerful rebellion against the tyranny of the Nintendo makers. XD Nah, just kidding. If anyone reading this is one of the Nintendo gamemakrs, then knw that I love you guys and your work. :D I was sick of writing scenes where the bad guy died at the end, and it would have been hilarious if Ganondorf had teamed up with Link. :P

A/N2: The Wind Waker Arc is over! Twilight Princess Arc, here we come! :^D


End file.
